A job is not a marriage

I am passionate about my work and have been fortunate to create a career where I can be creative and do what I love. But the journey hasn’t been without its trials. The biggest challenge has been earning the value of my knowledge and experience.

Employers pay employees for work. But in competitive, popular, or perceived “glamorous” industries, it can be a battle to determine what certain positions are worth.

This was obvious when I worked in magazine publishing. Roles at fashion magazines are highly coveted. They’re limited in supply with glamorous perks (e.g., fashion shows and jaw-dropping clothes!) that make them even more desirable.

I was grateful when I became an editorial assistant at Mademoiselle – for one, because I desperately needed a job. Landing an entry-level role at the most prestigious fashion publishing house was the career jackpot. Early on, it became clear that if I wanted to keep that “dream” job, I needed to prove my value. The message was as loud as a Pucci print: What you won’t do, someone else will, and cheaper. I was consistently reminded that there was no shortage of wannabe editors outside the Condé Nast Building willing to work harder for even less than my pittance. What did I do?

Instead of demanding fair pay, I refused to let anyone outwork me. I arrived at the office early and stayed in the fashion closet late into the night, prepping for photo shoots.

I would cover for other editorial assistants who called in sick (i.e., hungover), hoping to be next in line for an editor role. All while struggling to pay rent in the world’s most expensive city.

One fact of work: Jobs are transactional relationships. They’re not like a family or a marriage. Employers and employees enter into a relationship based on reciprocity. In exchange for your labor, you get paid. But make no mistake: a complex web of power differentials often tilts in the employer’s favor. The primary goals of organizations – whether they’re a famed fashion publishing giant, a Fortune 500 company, or a local small business – are to maximize profits and keep costs low. Labor is one of the highest costs for a company.

Once I understood that, I found my voice to advocate for myself and my worth. I decided to stop chasing glitz and glamour and focus on the work I was passionate about while allowing myself to live the life I envisioned without strife and struggle. I was tired of robbing Peter to pay Paul to make ends meet so I could wear runway samples from the fashion closet, drink free booze at premieres and launch parties, and rub elbows with so-called industry influencers.

I have enjoyed my career journey – some jobs better than others – and along the way, I’ve been fortunate to work with and build personal relationships with some brilliant, driven, fun people I cherish dearly. That has been a big bonus.

But this is still work – not a marriage or a family. However, it can be a win-win scenario. While you can (and should) aspire to be a rockstar at work, it’s OK to set boundaries and seek equitable pay for your contributions.